Some people think that it is difficult to own a cat and be good at it but it is not. Do not be intimidated by the fluffies. I can help you. I am just so tickled pink to be sharing my cat wisdom with you and I hope that you tell everybody you know how to have the cats.

Step 1: What you must do first is find a cat that you want. Maybe make a list of features that you want in a cat. Sometimes cats have no fur so don’t be fooled! They are still a cat but they are just pretending to be a non-cat.

Step 2: When you have found a cat that you are interested in you must lift it up with your hands to see how much it weighs so then you know that it will definitely fit just right in your papoose that you will have bought.

Step 3: Purchase the cat. Otherwise you will have nothing to put in the papoose.

Step 4: When you are papoose-ing about with your new friend, say things to it. Try other languages as well. I have never thought to try out a bit of French on my cats and I am just wondering if I have been using the wrong language on them this whole time. Le meow.

Step 5: Do the bit from the Lion King. GO ALL RAFIKI ON ITS ASS.

Step 6: Write cat poetry. The two of you will just bond on a whole new level and you will be amazed at how many things you can rhyme with ‘meow’. Probably.

Step 7: Feed the cat.

Step 8: Pretend to be a cat and see if your new friend can spot the difference. It is a great way for them to learn what is a cat and what is not a cat. It can be so tricky sometimes.

Step 9: If you have adopted a kitten you must sniff it each day to make sure it knows how to clean itself. If you have adopted an older cat you must sniff it to see if it has good cleaning habits. This is a good tip.

Step 10: Keep the cat. Do not let it go away. You will never have another friend like it. Cats are for life. Nine times over. Do things that will make it want to stay. If you really love your cat you will build an aquarium in its bedroom. Or let it sniff your mouth after you’ve brushed your teeth. My cat loves that. Shut up. Just shut up.

See, it is so simple having cats. I think everyone should have at least one cat in their circle of friends because my favourite friends are the ones who can reach their own junk from any angle. It is such a cool skill to have so I hope they will teach me their ways.

Enjoy your cats!