Kids, never move to the suburbs when you’re not ready, it won’t end well.
Let’s start with Barney. He’s super keen on this Quinn girl who is a stripper at the Lusty Leopard called Karma. He attempts to take her on dates, but she continues to tell him she’s working and he must meet her at the club. When he gets there she claims her boss is watching and he must pay her for lap dances in order to hang out. Barney tells Ted this and Ted realizes she’s merely playing him but Barney won’t believe it.
After she moved out of Ted’s because he told her he loves her, Robin is staying in Long Island with Lily and Marshall. Lily gives Robin a diary to write down all the feelings she’s having, she chooses to document the new suburbia habits of Lily and Marshall in the style of a nature documentary. From their feeding habits (ice cream on the couch with snuggies on) to their choice of activities (macramé with the eldery), Robin begins to plot her escape from the Island.
Back at the Lusty Leopard, Barney is still refusing to believe Quinn is playing him until Ted shows her giving the same treatment to all of the other men at the club. He cracks it and leaves, shattered because he was starting to actually like this stripper named Karma. Barney runs into Quinn a little while later in the morning buying a coffee and gets cross with her for playing him, but gets his own back after she tells him how hurt she was he didn’t even recognize her after watching her dance for a year. She mentions a few things that Barney has confided in her and they sit down for a coffee and an actual date.
Back on the Island, Robin attempts to escape multiple times but her plans are always thwarted by the possessive Lily and Marshall. They admit they HATE living in the suburbs and are only doing it because they think it’ll be better for their family. Robin tells them the best place for their family will be wherever they are happy. Robin leaves them and moves into her workmate’s house.
Meanwhile throughout this, Ted has been taking up his spare time with an array of activities such as smoking meats, woodwork and pottery all in Robin’s spare room. This doesn’t stop him having imaginary conversations with her and thinking about her all day. Real life Robin goes to the apartment to pick up the rest of her things and Ted realizes he needs to move on. Marshall and Lily receive a message on their phone to meet Ted at the apartment but when they do it is completely empty. Ted leaves a note to say he never took their names off the lease but he had since taken his own name off. He needs a change, and they will be happier in the city. He says to use Robin’s old room as their nursery but leaves one of his hobby mementos, a very badly made crib. Marshall and Lily are back in town!