Hello Friends. When I was little I loved dinosaurs. I wanted to be one. But then I got more information about them and discovered that I probably couldn’t be one. What a devastating time. It was nearly as bad as the time when I told Mum that I was going to marry Elvis and then she told me he’s dead. Nearly THAT bad.
Do you ever wonder what life would be like as a dinosaur? YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT MORE OFTEN. I’m sorry. That was slightly aggressive. I am not really an aggressive person, therefore I would not be an aggressive dinosaur. Can you see the link I made there? That was so clever of me. I would be such a clever dinosaur. I would be the one punking all the other dinosaurs. I would probably yank a T-Rex’s tail so he would turn around and then I would steal his lamb chops and have them for dinner. Isn’t that so sneaky of me? I think I’m so sneaky.
Hmm I wonder what dinosaur music is like? Somehow I imagine the T-Rex lads getting all rowdy up in there, bounding around to something like Jay-Z, complete with snapbacks and bling. They had that stuff back then. Yes they did. Yes they did. Shut up.
Now for some reason I am picturing the Triceratops crew bopping about to the Madonna of their time. Or just Madonna. SHUT UP. They would totes be on the d-floor thrashing about, just looking like vintage rhinoceros. Yep.
I think it’s pretty obvious that the Diplodocus gang would be into a Nicki Minaj type arrangement. “Bitches ain’t shit and they ain’t say nothin’” is an idea that speaks to us all on so many levels. It is timeless. PREACH. Think about what it means to you and then apply it to your dinosaur life. Or something. Work them pink wigs, you diplodocuses.
Wow, imagine stomping around eating stuff, anything at all, just because you could. It would be the absolute best. You could just stand on a tree and it would be instant pesto to put on the lamb chops that you steal from other dinosaurs. Or you could lick it off your foot. You could get another dinosaur to lick it off your foot if that’s your thing. Find a randy Brachiosaurus to give you a good cleaning OH MY GOD STOP IT THAT TICKLES.
Leaving huge footprints everywhere would also be fun. I would reshape them a bit to mess with future scientists. I’d make them look like tiny little creature prints and then later on when my time as a dinosaur is over, they’d find these massive bones next to small footprints. Oh gosh the lols. Isn’t dinosaur humour out of control?! I am feeling so off the rails right now JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. Jesus is the leader of the dinosaur posse. He likes it pronounced ‘hay-soos’. What a wanker. Probably.
So what sort of dinosaur would you be? It is a question for the ages, really. It is so intriguing and so completely relevant to everything. Have a think about it whenever you get the chance because you just never know when someone will ask you what your spirit dinosaur is. They will 100% expect a serious answer so prepare yourself. Do some research on the dinosaurs. Find out what made them tick and what makes you tick and then it will become obvious which dinosaur you are. Do you like eating trees? Find out some dinosaurs what liked eating trees. Or perhaps you like flying. Be that Pterodactyl! I dare you. But I’m not taking any responsibility for injuries. I’m saying that because it reminded me of the time when someone told me that they jumped out of a tree with an umbrella and tried to fly like Mary Poppins. It didn’t even work. I’m 82% sure she had the umbrella open. She broke her arm. Aww. A Pterodactyl wouldn’t break its arm because it has wings. If you are a half decent actor you will sprout wings especially for this project.
You just be the dinosaur that you want to be and don’t hold back! Use this as dinospiration. We’re calling it that. It will help you to be the very best dinosaur that you can be. You can teach everyone the way of the dinosaur. Tell everybody what you have learnt here, especially the bit about pesto.
It would be good to get everyone on board because I miss the dinosaurs so much.