- Tips for Writers -
1. Procrastinate as much as possible.
If you never get around to writing, then you don’t have anything to stress out about. Mark Twain said, “the secret of getting ahead is getting started.” He’s dead now and I’m not. So my advice is better.
2. Everything you write has to be perfect.
Like this. This is perfect. I wouldn’t have put it online otherwise. There is no value in creating lots of work in order to review and refine it. You are the most important person in the world and everyone will judge you if you’re not immaculate in everything you do.
3. Don’t edit.
Editing ideas is for loser arts students who don’t have jobs anyway. Never edit your favourite parts because ideas are like penguins, if they make sense in your mind they will make sense to everyone else. Your writing won’t be improved by removing them and keeping it simple.
4. Dont worry grammar and punctuation.
or spelling because it doesn’t won’t effect you’re writing because your brilliant trust (any way) that you can won’t! change how people read if you are good writer then it won’t piss off people off,
5. Don’t bother reading over your work.
I’m sure you got it right the first time.
6. When writing poetry, film or theatre always make it solemn.
Seriousness and solemnity are the same thing and comedy has no place in the expression of deep human emotion. There are no examples of where light and shade have ever been effective in writing, you silly poo face.
7. Be wordy.
Being overly and excessively wordy is something you definitely should be most, utterly and absolutely doing at all times possibly possible when writing everything and anything you are writing for ever and ever because words are free and you may as well go right on ahead and use as many of them you are physically capable of using and stuff.
8. Write about what you don’t know.
Don’t research or learn anything about your subject matter. The universe is attempting to write through you, so stop trying to block brilliant art by thinking or knowing things.
9. Don’t bother elaborating on something you want to communicate effectively.
10. Don’t use irony.
If you don’t say exactly what you mean people will never know your true intention. No one enjoys reading a sarcastic guide of what not to do, when they were originally lead to believe it would be direct advice on a subject.